one year as primary president

Today marks 1 year since I was called and set apart to be the Primary president in our ward. Somehow a year has gone by and I don't know that I've ever really posted about it.

July 12th, 2009, a Sunday, the Bishopric had an appointment to come see me in my home. I thought the Relief Society Presidency had been in a long time. I thought maybe the Young Women's presidency was being rearranged (I was then an advisor in the YW and was teaching the teenage girls on Sundays). NEVER did the word "Primary" enter my mind. Not even to then dismiss it.

I cannot convey to you the shock it was to hear the word "Primary" come out of Bishop's mouth. Maybe as much shock as seemed to cross his face when I said...after laughing for a bit, "But I don't like children." At least I hope that's what I said. I'm really not sure and I'm afraid I might have actually said that I hated children. The shock made me stupid, I think.

A few days later I amended my statement to the Bishop and clarified it by saying that I didn't feel I had a talent with little kids (like my sister does) and I was least comfortable serving in the Primary. I didn't really dislike (and certainly not hate) children. I just didn't feel like I knew how to relate to them. Sad comment from a mother of 5, isn't it? Sad, but true. I do much better with my own kids, though.

I accepted the calling, of course. And then after the Bishopric left I came up with a ton of reasons why I shouldn't be the primary president. There was a reason I tried to only sub at the high school and it wasn't because that's where Glen worked...I rarely sub at the junior high and only sub in elementary school when it's a job for 6th grade at Numa.

It was especially hard because I would be following Janet Stark as the president...Janet who has such a gift with children. And then she stayed on as a teacher and I had to pretend she wasn't there when I was presenting Sharing Time so my self-esteem would stay intact.

I also don't consider myself a good leader. I'm a good underling, though.

I don't like being visible. I like to be in the background and unnoticed...which is why I avoid the stage-- unlike most of my family.

The only thing I felt I had going for me was that I do what I'm supposed to do and so I had faith it would all work out.

And I think it has. Largely due to the wonderful people who work with me in the Primary. Nicole, Rayanne, and Stacy are dedicated and so good at what they do. It's really divine having them around. Our teachers and workers are so reliable and keep things flowing. It's really marvelous seeing how it all works. I hear horror stories about other Primaries and I feel so blessed.

So, one year down and who knows how many to go. Maybe just a few months if I get to replace Joyce as primary pianist. But I doubt that'll happen. I'm actually content to stay where I am, though when I conduct closing exercises or give Sharing Time I still have to ignore the fact that there are other adults in the room so I can get my part done without too much stress. And I love the kids. They are the sweetest and cutest things and it really is a joy to serve in the primary. I just hope that I'm giving them what they need...