Ed Week Notes 2011-2 lectures:
Personal Finance: A Christ-Centered Approach
T-Nine Myths of Family Finance: What Wise Financial Stewards Know
F-Preparing for Retirement: What You Can Do Now to Prepare
by Brian L. Sudweeks
personalfinance.byu.edu is a great resource. It has many online manuals that are free to download that cover different stages of one's life as well as having other tools and resources.
1st lecture: Nine Myths of Family Finance: What Wise Financial Stewards Know
Myth 1: Life revolves around me
They decide what they should do and what they want is right, regardless
Reality 1: Life is about others
Life is not about us, it's about what we do with our life. Put Christ first.
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Myth 2: It's all mine
They think they own their belongings, education, money. In the Book of Mormon, destruction started with pride from riches. Alma 1:30 and Moses 7:18 show 2 cases where riches do not lead to destruction.
Reality 2: I am a steward
4 Principles of Personal Finance:
Principle 1: Ownership-everything we own is the Lord's
Principle 2: Stewardship-we are stewards over all that the Lord has
Principle 3: Agency-the gift of "choice" is man's most precious inheritance
principle 4: Accountability-we are accountable for every choice we make
D&C 72:3: And verily in this thing ye have done wisely, for it is required of the Lord, at the hand of every steward, to render an account of his stewardship, both in time and in eternity.
Neal A. Maxwell-"The submission of one's will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God's altar." Ensign November 1995
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Myth 3: It's all about money
If you can solve it with money, it's not a problem
Reality 3 (part 1): It's about faith.
It's an important tool to teach gospel principles (such as work, sacrifice, the law of the harvest, self-control, responsibility, planning, delayed gratification, and being content to name a few). Elder Scott, when talking about the trials in his life (like losing 2 children and then his wife to death), said he never asked "why?" but "What can I learn from this?"
In most cases, financial problems are behavioral problems--we need to live within our means, get out of debt and stay out of debt, build reserves.
Elder Packer: “True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. “ Ensign Nov 1986 p 16
Behold, I gave unto him that he should be an agent unto himself; and I gave unto him commandment, but no temporal commandment gave I unto him, for my commandments are spiritual; they are not natural nor temporal, neither carnal nor sensual. Doctrine and Covenants 29:35
Reality 3 (part 2): It's about freedom
No man is truly free who is in financial bondage. Ezra Taft Benson Ensign January 1974 p 69
Reality 3 (part 3): It's about happiness
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Myth 4: It's a temporal matter
1-all things are spiritual (D&C 29:34)--the love on money is evil, not money
2-money is a medium of exchange--we can build up the Kingdom with money
3- there is no true freedom without financial freedom
4-money is a tool to teach gospel principles
5-financial management is simply part of the Gospel of Jesus Christ--God loves us enough to guide us in all things, including finances.
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Myth 5: It's a man's responsibility
It’s not a priesthood responsibility in the home.
Unrighteous dominion-husband makes it so he decides where it goes.
Reality 5: Finances are a shared responsibility
“Control of the money by one spouse as a source of power and authority causes inequality in the marriage and is inappropriate.“ Elder Marvin J. Ashton Liahona April 2000 p 42
Removing oneself from money management is abdicating a necessary responsibility. Go the speed of the slowest and continue to work together.
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Myth 6: Credit card, auto, and consumer debt is OK
General Authorities have said that debt is OK for education, house, and perhaps a first car.
Reality 6: “Debt is dumb.” --Dave Ramsey
Debt stops growth and savings and is expensive, both economically and spiritually.
In Pres. Ezra Taft Benson’s talk “The Faces of Pride” he said that living beyond our means is being prideful. New Era Oct 2003 p 40
Being in debt is like spending your retirement money, your kids' mission money, etc now.
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Myth 7: Budgets are for college students
Save 20% of every dollar after college.
If you live like most people won't, you'll live like most people don't.
Reality 7: Every family should have a budget
Conference Report Apr 1975 Spencer W. Kimball: Brethren, watch church finances carefully.
A budget is the single most important tool in helping us attain our personal goals. It's a tool that needs thought to create and discipline to follow, but it always works.
income - pay the Lord - pay yourself - expenses = other savings (paying yourself and other savings both go to meet your personal goals)
Elder Perry Ensign November 1991 p 64: Pay 10% tithing and then pay yourself a set amount.
Ashton Ensign September 1982 p 72 "It's No Fun Being Poor": Budgets help us to be better financial stewards.
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Myth 8: Parents are responsible to support theri adult children financially
If your child has a problem, instead of bailing them out ask "what have you tried?" Teach them to take care of themselves.
Reality 8: Adult children are responsible for their own finances.
If we continue to bail out our children, they will continue to need to be bailed out.
See the book We Don't Have to Make it All Better by Gary and Joy Lundberg.
Give them a chance to learn their own lessons. Don't take away the natural consequences.
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Myth 9: I pay my tithing so I have nothing to worry about financially.
The blessing of the windows of heaven (Malachi 3:10) are not necessarily monetary.
Reality 9: We must learn to be wise financially
In 2007, the average debt is $14,500 excluding mortgage. Credit card users pay 12-20% more than cash users do when shopping. 70% of married couples say finances are a major stress in their marriage.
How do you learn to be wise?
education, motivation, action
providentliving.org has resources as well as personalfinance.byu.edu
The Lord gives us challenges because He wants us to be strong.
What wise stewards know:
1-recognize their stewardship
2-have priorities in order (Matthew 6:33)
3-plan their future early and live their plan
4-know it’s what they become that’s important-like become like the Savior
It's not what you earn, but what you save that counts.
5-money can't buy happiness, but it can help us. Use it for what it does.
6-understand assets and liabilities.
7-understand income (earned, passive--ie real estate portfolio)
8-they are responsible (rich, poor, or middle class)
9-know they make a living by what they earn, but a life by what they give.
10-remember the "ifs:"
The Ifs:
1- The scriptures make us wise...if we learn to read them and obey the commandments.
2-The Savior makes us holy...if we repent (D&C 18:11-12)
3-The storms make us strong...if we learn the lessons God wants us to learn. The Brother of Jared and his group navigated because of the storms God created and made it across the sea.
2 Nephi 2:2 Nevertheless, Jacob, my first–born in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain.
Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
The storms which He sends us will take us where He wants us to go.
Learn the lessons from the 1st storm and the next storm you'll be ready for.
“I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments. There will be nothing in this world that can defeat us.” Pres. Monson Ensign May 2009 p 92 “Be of Good Cheer.”
D&C 45:62 For verily I say unto you, that great things await you;
*****
2nd Lecture: Preparing for Retirement: What You Can Do Now to Prepare
Pres. Ezra Taft Benson counseled, "Plan your financial future early; then follow the plan."
The key is to learn the lessons from our retirement planning challenges.
-we need to watch the signs in the roads (budget, size of retirement account)
-when you realize you're off the path, get help (Heaven Father)
-listen to those along the way (Bishops and leaders)
-use the tools necessary to get the job done
4 Thoughts on Personal Finance
1-financial management is not separate form the gospel of Jesus Christ, it is the gospel (think of the four-fold mission of church...finances are used in each one)
2-financial management just as much a part of the gospel as is family history, food storage, employment, and welfare
3-feast on the words of Christ and the Holy Ghost will tell you all things that you should do (including financial management).
4-the only things that are truly ours are our minds and our wills.
“…the submission of one’s will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God’s altar. The many other things we ‘give,’ brothers and sisters, are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us. However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God’s will, then we are really giving something to Him! It is the only possession which is truly ours to give!” Elder Neal A. Maxwell, November 1995 Ensign
B. Myths of Retirement Planning
In retirement planning, we must do what we can based on where we are today to prepare for the future ahead. Any preparation we do now will help us in the future.
Myth 1: Retirement planning is easy
Reality 1: It requires sacrifice. Curtail spending, live on a budget
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Myth 2: I can spend my way to retirement
Continue buying super nice things and have debt won‘t work--paying tithing isn't enough.
Reality 2: You must save for retirement
1-get on budget and start saving more (20%)
2-get out and stay out of debt--if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
3-decide if you will help with children's missions and education
4-get serious about retirement planning. Reduce your fixed and variable expenses.
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Myth 3: Social security is enough
It's not governments responsibility to fund your retirement. Social security will fund 43% of your retirement, not 100%.
Reality 3: (You must fund 57% of your retirement or more)
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Myth 4: Social security is secure
Reality 4: Social Security is a promise.
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Myth 5: My kids will take care of me
Reality 5: It's tough for your kids, too
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Myth 6: You need $2 million in retirement to survive
Reality 6: It depends
write goals for retirement
what does it take to continue your lifestyle?
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Myth 7: I will retire at age 62
76 is full retirement age now.
Reality 7: Are you prepared to retire?
B. Understand the Principles and Stages of Successful Retirement Planning
“Plan your financial future early; then follow the plan.” Pres. Ezra Taft Benson "To the Elderly of the Church" Ensign Nov 1989 p4
Principles:
1-know yourself
--personal and family goals--written
--what kind of retirement do you want
goal setting (budgets)-process of spiritual and then physical creation
2-understand the retirement investment vehicles available and how to use them wisely [403 (b)--employer, Roth IRAs--individual and small business, Social Security--government]
3-choose the financial assets wisely for those vehicles and invest wisely consistent with your tolerance for risks. Follow the priority of money.
4-know retirement planning steps
-estimate your needs, annual income...
5-develop a good retirement plan, write it carefully and follow it closely
6-start today!
Stages of Retirement Planning
Stage 1-accumulation
starts when you start work
budget (10% minimum)
strategies
--save 15% of every dollar, with 10% in a Roth IRA, 3% in educational IRAs, 2% in children’s mission accounts
--save 20% of every dollar with 10% company match, Roth IRA, 401(k) before match, 5% taxable retirement account, and 5% children's mission and educational funds
Stage 2--Retirement or annuitization
begins when you retire
Calculate the minimal acceptable level of retirement income
Stage 3--Distribution/disposal
maximum 3.6% total distribution/year
C. Understand the steps of retirement planning
factors that determine your savings needed:
-desired income
-other sources of retirement income
-age started investing, age at retirement
-estimated taxes and inflation
-risk tolerance
-expected return on your savings
Tools-
1-set goals
where do you want to live?
will you need more or less when you retire
be realistic when estimating
2-estimate your current annual income available at retirement
3-estimate your total retirement needs after inflation (ie the inflation-adjusted shortfall) to meet goals
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Ed Week notes 2011 Change Anything: Principles for Changing Overwhelming Habits in Yourself
FYI-The lecturers have a book out (I've ordered it from the library, but it hasn't arrived yet) called Change Anything: The New Science of Personal Success.
Ed Week Notes 2011
Change Anything: Principles for Changing Overwhelming Habits in Yourself: Three different lectures:
(Tuesday's lecture, which I didn't attend, was on how willpower isn't enough.)
Wednesday: Be the Scientist and the Subject (part 1): How Small Changes Can Lead to Big Improvements by Ron McMillan
Thursday: Be the Scientist and the Subject (part 2): How to make Change Almost Inevitable by Joseph Grenny
Friday: Make a Bad Day Good Data: How to Increase Our Resilience and Effectiveness by Kerry J. Patterson
1st lecture: How Small Changes Can Lead to Big Improvements
What you want to change can be anything from overeating, getting angry, looking at pornography--anything that you want to change in yourself.
The difference between those effective in living their life and those not is in their positive attitude AND skill sets. Being positive isn’t enough.
Any sin can become an addiction--and any activity. Addictions can take over your agency--Satan’s plan.
The focus of the research was: We know what’s right, but how do we get ourselves to do it?
2 Nephi 2:14: And now, my sons, I speak unto you these things for your profit and learning; for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon.
2 Nephi 2:26: And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given.
2 Nephi 10:23: Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves—to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.
Moses 6:56: And it is given unto them to know good from evil; wherefore they are agents unto themselves, and I have given unto you another law and commandment.
If we don’t choose to act (freedom), we will be acted upon (bondage).
The Will Power Trap--the assumption that if I try hard enough, I’ll succeed. Willpower is insufficient to be the key to change.
Many of our most important problems could be solved if we had a greater capacity to change our behavior.
They studied 5,000 people. 475 were deemed successful in changing (meaning they sustained the change for at least 3 years). They came up with 3 Change Principles from their research:
#1- You have to escape the will power trap. There are 6 sources of influence that surround us and personal resolve in only one of them.
#2- You need to be the scientist and the subject. Objectively look at your life and who you are.
#3- Turn bad days into good data. The average person who quits smoking relapses 6 times. Ask yourself what you can learn about why you slipped up when you have a bad day.
If you use these three principles you will be 10 times more likely to be succeed in changing.
Problem-- We often look for off-the-shelf solutions to unique problems, but most don’t work…at least not for you.
Solution-- Be the scientist and the subject--to study you (which has not been done before). Make a tailored plan. You must study you and this will reveal what to stop doing and what to start doing.
How do you be the scientist and the subject? You study what works and what doesn’t work for you , then you make changes until you eventually tailor a plan for you. Stop looking at others to get answers for you.
When examining what to start and stop doing:
#1- Identify Crucial Moments-- when are you weak and succumb to temptation?
When it comes to finding behaviors we need to change, we do just fine about 95% of the time. It’s only 5% that gives us trouble. So work on the 5% and not the 95. That’s a crucial moment. The “when.” These are the moments that matter.
#2- Create Vital Behaviors-- Look at your crucial moments and see what you can do to avoid the temptaion. A vital behavior is a high-leverage action that if routinely enacted, will help you prevent problems, master tempting moments, or quickly recover from mistakes. The “what.”
WORDS MATTER. Use value words to describe your choices. Pick power words and you can increase your motivation to change anything.
For example, one of their successful subjects was trying to lose weight. She didn’t tell herself that she couldn’t have any treats. She just told herself that before indulging she had to read her 3 x 5 index card to herself which had the following written on it:
I’d like to like the way I look in the mirror.
I’d like to feel healthier.
I’d like my life choices to be pleasing to the Lord.
I’d like more physical stamina.
I’d like my husband to be proud of how I look.
I’d like to model healthy living for my family.
She was then able to say no to cheesecake and was successful in her weightloss.
2nd lecture: How to make Change Almost Inevitable
The essence of the Gospel is to help us change and improve (become more like Christ).
Why do we do what we do?
We are all willing to do things that cause us pain. (video clip on a shin-kicking contest).
We are blind and outnumbered so self-awareness is really important. Willpower is not the key. The design of this world is for us to be blind and outnumbered. This life is a test.
Agency is the capacity to control our own behavior. Yet there is plenty of evidence to suggest that we don’t have enormous control over our behavior.
A Change Problem:
1. I know I should change.
2. I want to change.
3. I don’t change (yet we think we have control).
Agency is a skill--it’s not about will power. To change our environment--that’s our agency.
Think of a habit you’d like to change (a career-limiting habit, or relationship, or health, or wealth, or spiritually, or success-limiting habit). When was the last time you succumbed? Why did you give in? The explanation you give yourself will help predict if you will succeed.
Be clear about the results you expect. Find the crucial, key moments. Then create the vital behaviors or action rules.
Six Sources of Influence:
motivationn ability
Personal 1 2
Social 3 4
Structural 5 6
How badly you want to change doesn’t predict your success or failure. Wanting it more doesn’t help. You need to have actions with your desires.
Lamoni’s Influence Strategy--kill the servants who lose the sheep (yet the servants still lost the sheep)
2 Nephi 2:14: And now, my sons, I speak unto you these things for your profit and learning; for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon.
God created things (1) to act and (2) and to be acted upon. Which are you?
#1 (personal motivation). Love what you hate. Problem: Bad habits feel good and good habits feel bad. Changing words can change the outcome. Before you do something you know you shouldn’t do, you tell yourself something that allows you to override what is right. What words could you tell yourself to feel good about, for example, consuming pornography? [just this once won’t hurt, it’s not like I haven’t seen stuff like this before…] You are generating propaganda for yourself.
Remember: the only way you can feel good about doing things that keep you from what you really want is to manipulate yourself with propaganda. It allows you to feel justified.
One of their successful clients was a business man who was extremely rude and condescending to his subordinates (and thus he was limiting his career). The researcher asked the man to make a list of what went through his thoughts just before he made biting comments. On his list:
You don’t care enough to even try.
You’re an idiot.
If I don’t threaten you, you won’t move.
Then the researcher had the businessman come up with a list as to why those things were wicked, pernicious lies: ie You don’t care enough to even try: the man had even missed his brother’s wedding just to work on the project, so what he told himself had been a lie.
Then the researcher said, now give me a sentence that would be the truth. he came up with:
These are human beings, not tools.
I want to be a teacher, not a tyrant.
In the end, I don’t care how much money I’ve made, but in how many lives I’ve touched.
Resisting the impulse empowers the evil. Heber J. Grant had been the sole support of his widowed mother. When he tried to get life insurance, he was denied because he was so skinny. The doctor prescribed that he drink 4 beers a day. It worked. He gained weight, but then he needed to overcome his drinking habit. He broke the habit by telling himself that he could have a drink anytime he wanted…he made it a choice and he then chose differently after that. He played the propaganda game with himself.
Can you change your impulses? Read your “mission statement” during an impulsive moment. Transform, don’t just resist.
Bad habits require skill. For example, the drug addict becomes an expert liar. Having good habits require skills, too.
#2. (personal ability) Do what you can’t. Problem: new habits almost always require new skills.
John 8:28 … I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me… Even Jesus had to learn skills. He learned line upon line.
If you attempt to motivate someone who lacks skills, it will lead them to depression, not to change.
Figure out what skills you need so that you can change. (a smoker realized that what she needed was communication skills in order to avoid the situation that was keeping her from quitting smoking).
#3 and 4. (social motivation and ability): Everyone needs help. Even the Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane had an angel to strengthen him (Luke 22:42-43). We need each other.
3rd Lecture: Make a Bad Day Good Data: How to Increase Our Resilience and Effectiveness
When you try to swap bad habits with good ones and then fail, the problem is with your plan and not with you.
Physical distance has a huge impact…on how far away you have to go to exercise or to eat those m&ms...
Quick review:
#1-Personal Motivation-- We often engage in unhealthy behavior because it feels good., while healthy behavior is often hard, boring, or simply unenjoyable.
How can we “love what we hate?”
1-Visit the default future (what will life be like 6 months, 5 years, 20 years in the future if you don’t change). Imagine it (living on no retirement, being unhealthy…).
2-Create a personal motivation statement (like the one at the end of the 1st lecture). Carry it with you and read it in Crucial Moments.
3-Make it a game (some form of competition).
#2-Personal Ability-- We often imporve our personal ability (knowledge and skill) in order to change. We have to “do what we can’t.”
1-do a skill scan
2-learn the needed skill
ie-to stop gossiping, learn to deflect and redirect conversation
It doesn’t matter if you were born a certain way because you can be born again.
If you can learn to distract yourself (which is a skill) for 15 minutes during a Crucial Moment, that is often all it takes for the temptation to pass. Serving someone else is a great way to do it.
#3 and 4-Social Forces-- Other people are constantly motivating and enabling our unhealthy behavior.
1-hold a transformation conversation
A-Here’s what you are doing…
B-Here’s what I want to see…
C-Ask for input
D-Thank them
2-Add new friends
3-Distance yourself from accomplices (if they won’t come on board and be a true friend, they are accomplices and you need to stay away from them if you hope to change).
End of review. New stuff:
#5-Structural Motivation
Structural forces such as prizes and rewards also motivate us.
1-reward small improvements in moderation.
2-take advantage of loss aversion (giving a child $5 and telling them they will lose it if they don’t behave is a much stronger motivating force than telling them if they behave they will get $5 later).
Make a list of what’s in your control. ie as a missionary you cannot control the number of baptisms, but you can control the number of street contacts and hours of personal study.
#6 Structural Ability
Structural forces (things) also enable our wrong behavior. Things like having fences or rules and putting distance between you and the temptation.
You will fail. Plan on it. “Subjects” get depressed when they succumb to temptation which leads to feeling guilty. “Scientists" become curious to see what went wrong which leads to them feeling challenged to find the solution.
Don’t unrighteously judge yourself. Hate the sin and love the sinner--including yourself.
Take 1 Nephi 3:7 “…I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them” as a promise not as evidence that we are deficient.
You’re mostly doing the right thing and feel guilty while those who are mostly doing the wrong thing don’t feel guilty at all.
Failure = Bad Plan Failure does not = Bad Person
Focus on hard work and improvement, not on character and worth. Focus on what you can fix.
Turn a bad day into good data.
Take a close look and ask:
What is wrong with my plan?
What did I just learn about a new crucial moment?
Is there a better vital behavior?
Am I missing a some source(s) of influence.
Ed Week Notes 2011
Change Anything: Principles for Changing Overwhelming Habits in Yourself: Three different lectures:
(Tuesday's lecture, which I didn't attend, was on how willpower isn't enough.)
Wednesday: Be the Scientist and the Subject (part 1): How Small Changes Can Lead to Big Improvements by Ron McMillan
Thursday: Be the Scientist and the Subject (part 2): How to make Change Almost Inevitable by Joseph Grenny
Friday: Make a Bad Day Good Data: How to Increase Our Resilience and Effectiveness by Kerry J. Patterson
1st lecture: How Small Changes Can Lead to Big Improvements
What you want to change can be anything from overeating, getting angry, looking at pornography--anything that you want to change in yourself.
The difference between those effective in living their life and those not is in their positive attitude AND skill sets. Being positive isn’t enough.
Any sin can become an addiction--and any activity. Addictions can take over your agency--Satan’s plan.
The focus of the research was: We know what’s right, but how do we get ourselves to do it?
2 Nephi 2:14: And now, my sons, I speak unto you these things for your profit and learning; for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon.
2 Nephi 2:26: And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given.
2 Nephi 10:23: Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves—to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.
Moses 6:56: And it is given unto them to know good from evil; wherefore they are agents unto themselves, and I have given unto you another law and commandment.
If we don’t choose to act (freedom), we will be acted upon (bondage).
The Will Power Trap--the assumption that if I try hard enough, I’ll succeed. Willpower is insufficient to be the key to change.
Many of our most important problems could be solved if we had a greater capacity to change our behavior.
They studied 5,000 people. 475 were deemed successful in changing (meaning they sustained the change for at least 3 years). They came up with 3 Change Principles from their research:
#1- You have to escape the will power trap. There are 6 sources of influence that surround us and personal resolve in only one of them.
#2- You need to be the scientist and the subject. Objectively look at your life and who you are.
#3- Turn bad days into good data. The average person who quits smoking relapses 6 times. Ask yourself what you can learn about why you slipped up when you have a bad day.
If you use these three principles you will be 10 times more likely to be succeed in changing.
Problem-- We often look for off-the-shelf solutions to unique problems, but most don’t work…at least not for you.
Solution-- Be the scientist and the subject--to study you (which has not been done before). Make a tailored plan. You must study you and this will reveal what to stop doing and what to start doing.
How do you be the scientist and the subject? You study what works and what doesn’t work for you , then you make changes until you eventually tailor a plan for you. Stop looking at others to get answers for you.
When examining what to start and stop doing:
#1- Identify Crucial Moments-- when are you weak and succumb to temptation?
When it comes to finding behaviors we need to change, we do just fine about 95% of the time. It’s only 5% that gives us trouble. So work on the 5% and not the 95. That’s a crucial moment. The “when.” These are the moments that matter.
#2- Create Vital Behaviors-- Look at your crucial moments and see what you can do to avoid the temptaion. A vital behavior is a high-leverage action that if routinely enacted, will help you prevent problems, master tempting moments, or quickly recover from mistakes. The “what.”
WORDS MATTER. Use value words to describe your choices. Pick power words and you can increase your motivation to change anything.
For example, one of their successful subjects was trying to lose weight. She didn’t tell herself that she couldn’t have any treats. She just told herself that before indulging she had to read her 3 x 5 index card to herself which had the following written on it:
I’d like to like the way I look in the mirror.
I’d like to feel healthier.
I’d like my life choices to be pleasing to the Lord.
I’d like more physical stamina.
I’d like my husband to be proud of how I look.
I’d like to model healthy living for my family.
She was then able to say no to cheesecake and was successful in her weightloss.
2nd lecture: How to make Change Almost Inevitable
The essence of the Gospel is to help us change and improve (become more like Christ).
Why do we do what we do?
We are all willing to do things that cause us pain. (video clip on a shin-kicking contest).
We are blind and outnumbered so self-awareness is really important. Willpower is not the key. The design of this world is for us to be blind and outnumbered. This life is a test.
Agency is the capacity to control our own behavior. Yet there is plenty of evidence to suggest that we don’t have enormous control over our behavior.
A Change Problem:
1. I know I should change.
2. I want to change.
3. I don’t change (yet we think we have control).
Agency is a skill--it’s not about will power. To change our environment--that’s our agency.
Think of a habit you’d like to change (a career-limiting habit, or relationship, or health, or wealth, or spiritually, or success-limiting habit). When was the last time you succumbed? Why did you give in? The explanation you give yourself will help predict if you will succeed.
Be clear about the results you expect. Find the crucial, key moments. Then create the vital behaviors or action rules.
Six Sources of Influence:
motivationn ability
Personal 1 2
Social 3 4
Structural 5 6
How badly you want to change doesn’t predict your success or failure. Wanting it more doesn’t help. You need to have actions with your desires.
Lamoni’s Influence Strategy--kill the servants who lose the sheep (yet the servants still lost the sheep)
2 Nephi 2:14: And now, my sons, I speak unto you these things for your profit and learning; for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon.
God created things (1) to act and (2) and to be acted upon. Which are you?
#1 (personal motivation). Love what you hate. Problem: Bad habits feel good and good habits feel bad. Changing words can change the outcome. Before you do something you know you shouldn’t do, you tell yourself something that allows you to override what is right. What words could you tell yourself to feel good about, for example, consuming pornography? [just this once won’t hurt, it’s not like I haven’t seen stuff like this before…] You are generating propaganda for yourself.
Remember: the only way you can feel good about doing things that keep you from what you really want is to manipulate yourself with propaganda. It allows you to feel justified.
One of their successful clients was a business man who was extremely rude and condescending to his subordinates (and thus he was limiting his career). The researcher asked the man to make a list of what went through his thoughts just before he made biting comments. On his list:
You don’t care enough to even try.
You’re an idiot.
If I don’t threaten you, you won’t move.
Then the researcher had the businessman come up with a list as to why those things were wicked, pernicious lies: ie You don’t care enough to even try: the man had even missed his brother’s wedding just to work on the project, so what he told himself had been a lie.
Then the researcher said, now give me a sentence that would be the truth. he came up with:
These are human beings, not tools.
I want to be a teacher, not a tyrant.
In the end, I don’t care how much money I’ve made, but in how many lives I’ve touched.
Resisting the impulse empowers the evil. Heber J. Grant had been the sole support of his widowed mother. When he tried to get life insurance, he was denied because he was so skinny. The doctor prescribed that he drink 4 beers a day. It worked. He gained weight, but then he needed to overcome his drinking habit. He broke the habit by telling himself that he could have a drink anytime he wanted…he made it a choice and he then chose differently after that. He played the propaganda game with himself.
Can you change your impulses? Read your “mission statement” during an impulsive moment. Transform, don’t just resist.
Bad habits require skill. For example, the drug addict becomes an expert liar. Having good habits require skills, too.
#2. (personal ability) Do what you can’t. Problem: new habits almost always require new skills.
John 8:28 … I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me… Even Jesus had to learn skills. He learned line upon line.
If you attempt to motivate someone who lacks skills, it will lead them to depression, not to change.
Figure out what skills you need so that you can change. (a smoker realized that what she needed was communication skills in order to avoid the situation that was keeping her from quitting smoking).
#3 and 4. (social motivation and ability): Everyone needs help. Even the Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane had an angel to strengthen him (Luke 22:42-43). We need each other.
3rd Lecture: Make a Bad Day Good Data: How to Increase Our Resilience and Effectiveness
When you try to swap bad habits with good ones and then fail, the problem is with your plan and not with you.
Physical distance has a huge impact…on how far away you have to go to exercise or to eat those m&ms...
Quick review:
#1-Personal Motivation-- We often engage in unhealthy behavior because it feels good., while healthy behavior is often hard, boring, or simply unenjoyable.
How can we “love what we hate?”
1-Visit the default future (what will life be like 6 months, 5 years, 20 years in the future if you don’t change). Imagine it (living on no retirement, being unhealthy…).
2-Create a personal motivation statement (like the one at the end of the 1st lecture). Carry it with you and read it in Crucial Moments.
3-Make it a game (some form of competition).
#2-Personal Ability-- We often imporve our personal ability (knowledge and skill) in order to change. We have to “do what we can’t.”
1-do a skill scan
2-learn the needed skill
ie-to stop gossiping, learn to deflect and redirect conversation
It doesn’t matter if you were born a certain way because you can be born again.
If you can learn to distract yourself (which is a skill) for 15 minutes during a Crucial Moment, that is often all it takes for the temptation to pass. Serving someone else is a great way to do it.
#3 and 4-Social Forces-- Other people are constantly motivating and enabling our unhealthy behavior.
1-hold a transformation conversation
A-Here’s what you are doing…
B-Here’s what I want to see…
C-Ask for input
D-Thank them
2-Add new friends
3-Distance yourself from accomplices (if they won’t come on board and be a true friend, they are accomplices and you need to stay away from them if you hope to change).
End of review. New stuff:
#5-Structural Motivation
Structural forces such as prizes and rewards also motivate us.
1-reward small improvements in moderation.
2-take advantage of loss aversion (giving a child $5 and telling them they will lose it if they don’t behave is a much stronger motivating force than telling them if they behave they will get $5 later).
Make a list of what’s in your control. ie as a missionary you cannot control the number of baptisms, but you can control the number of street contacts and hours of personal study.
#6 Structural Ability
Structural forces (things) also enable our wrong behavior. Things like having fences or rules and putting distance between you and the temptation.
You will fail. Plan on it. “Subjects” get depressed when they succumb to temptation which leads to feeling guilty. “Scientists" become curious to see what went wrong which leads to them feeling challenged to find the solution.
Don’t unrighteously judge yourself. Hate the sin and love the sinner--including yourself.
Take 1 Nephi 3:7 “…I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them” as a promise not as evidence that we are deficient.
You’re mostly doing the right thing and feel guilty while those who are mostly doing the wrong thing don’t feel guilty at all.
Failure = Bad Plan Failure does not = Bad Person
Focus on hard work and improvement, not on character and worth. Focus on what you can fix.
Turn a bad day into good data.
Take a close look and ask:
What is wrong with my plan?
What did I just learn about a new crucial moment?
Is there a better vital behavior?
Am I missing a some source(s) of influence.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Family Update
The new school year has begun and we are off and running.
Today was Andrew's first day of classes at BYU. He said it went well. On M-W-F he is in class for 5 hours (5 different classes--3 English classes, 1 math class, and the American Heritage class). T-Th he only has one class--religion (Doctrine and Covenants). He is still planning on being an English and math teacher.
He is still job hunting but he has a few leads, so hopefully one will pan out.
His room roommate, Matt, is from Vegas, but the southern end. He says if he crosses the street from his house, he is in Henderson. The other 2 in the apartment, Michael and Brandon, are of unknown origins, but Andrew did say that all his roommates served English-speaking missions, so there will be no secret conversations in front of others. Funny thing-Michael and Brandon are friends and signed up together, but it turns out that Matt and Michael were in the same ward their freshman year, so they know each other.
Eric starts his classes tomorrow. He has 5 classes this semester and only one is on-line (personal finance). Two are late afternoon classes (T-geology & W-computer graphics), and his evening class is on Friday (Anatomy). He has a day class on T & Th (geography) and so tomorrow he gets to ride the CART bus for the first time so he can get to class in the middle of the day and I can still sub. He will also attend the Institute religion class on Thursday evenings and have Young Single Adult activities at church, so he will be plenty busy.
Ryan just entered his senior year which means it's time to order graduation stuff. Wow. And instead of trying out for cross-county this fall like he originally planned, he tried out for tennis and made the team. Tomorrow is his first game and it will be an away game (when the boys have an away game, the girls are at home and vice versa). He will be playing doubles. On Sunday we drove him to Yerington where he received his Patriarchal Blessing from Patriarch Ivey. What a beautiful, sacred experience.
Hannah is on the tennis team for the second year in a row. Her first game is tomorrow and it is a home game for her. She'll be playing a singles game after school. Just might have to go watch for a bit, even though she doesn't want me to. She also is currently auditioning for the fall musical Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (I thought she wasn't going to, but I was wrong). Last year she didn't take orchestra, but this year did...and switched from the violin to the cello. So now she gets to learn to play the cello. Luckily it only costs $50 to rent (though I don't know if that's per semester or per year, but at least it's not per month).
Alex is enjoying 5th grade. His big news is that he gets to start piano lessons next week. He's been asking and we finally found a teacher, so we're excited for him.
Our new favorite family game is Dominion. "Within two months of its release, Dominion was one of the top ten games according to BVoardGameGeek ratings. In 2009, it won the prestigious Spiel des Jahres and Deutscher Spiele Preis awards. It was one of five winning games in American Mensa's 2009 MindGame competition."
My new favorite website (as of yesterday) is grooveshark.com. I never thought I would find something to replace my beloved Pandora.com (where you type in an artist or specific music title and it creates a "station" and plays similar music to what you inputted). In Grooveshark you get to select the exact pieces you want to hear. Fabulous. It's free, too, though you can pay for more features if you want.
I haven't gotten around to posted real notes from my Ed Week classes yet, though I did post gems on my other blog. In case you missed it: Gems 1-18 and Gems 19-36.
One change I'm implementing from Ed Week is our new meal schedule. I bought a small book called Centsible Meals by Lorae Bowden. She does her meal planning a bit differently. I used to roughly follow a schedule like every Monday was Mexican and Tuesday was chicken, etc. But I like her organization better.
Each day of the week is given one of the following themes: Rice, Potatoes, Pasta, Beans, or Whole Grains. Then weekends are for leftovers. So I've made a list of possible meals for each category (I really need to expand my bean recipes to go past chili, red beans and rice, and bean soup). Some dishes (like red beans and rice or soup) can fit under more than one category. Under whole grains I have put things like pizza, anything with tortillas, breakfast for dinner-ie pancakes or waffles, etc. I think I'm going to really like it.
Glen and I are doing the same old, same old, so I didn't bother posting about us.
Anyway, so that's our update for now. Soon (maybe even tomorrow) I'll be posting some Ed Week notes.
Today was Andrew's first day of classes at BYU. He said it went well. On M-W-F he is in class for 5 hours (5 different classes--3 English classes, 1 math class, and the American Heritage class). T-Th he only has one class--religion (Doctrine and Covenants). He is still planning on being an English and math teacher.
He is still job hunting but he has a few leads, so hopefully one will pan out.
His room roommate, Matt, is from Vegas, but the southern end. He says if he crosses the street from his house, he is in Henderson. The other 2 in the apartment, Michael and Brandon, are of unknown origins, but Andrew did say that all his roommates served English-speaking missions, so there will be no secret conversations in front of others. Funny thing-Michael and Brandon are friends and signed up together, but it turns out that Matt and Michael were in the same ward their freshman year, so they know each other.
Eric starts his classes tomorrow. He has 5 classes this semester and only one is on-line (personal finance). Two are late afternoon classes (T-geology & W-computer graphics), and his evening class is on Friday (Anatomy). He has a day class on T & Th (geography) and so tomorrow he gets to ride the CART bus for the first time so he can get to class in the middle of the day and I can still sub. He will also attend the Institute religion class on Thursday evenings and have Young Single Adult activities at church, so he will be plenty busy.
Ryan just entered his senior year which means it's time to order graduation stuff. Wow. And instead of trying out for cross-county this fall like he originally planned, he tried out for tennis and made the team. Tomorrow is his first game and it will be an away game (when the boys have an away game, the girls are at home and vice versa). He will be playing doubles. On Sunday we drove him to Yerington where he received his Patriarchal Blessing from Patriarch Ivey. What a beautiful, sacred experience.
Hannah is on the tennis team for the second year in a row. Her first game is tomorrow and it is a home game for her. She'll be playing a singles game after school. Just might have to go watch for a bit, even though she doesn't want me to. She also is currently auditioning for the fall musical Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (I thought she wasn't going to, but I was wrong). Last year she didn't take orchestra, but this year did...and switched from the violin to the cello. So now she gets to learn to play the cello. Luckily it only costs $50 to rent (though I don't know if that's per semester or per year, but at least it's not per month).
Alex is enjoying 5th grade. His big news is that he gets to start piano lessons next week. He's been asking and we finally found a teacher, so we're excited for him.
Our new favorite family game is Dominion. "Within two months of its release, Dominion was one of the top ten games according to BVoardGameGeek ratings. In 2009, it won the prestigious Spiel des Jahres and Deutscher Spiele Preis awards. It was one of five winning games in American Mensa's 2009 MindGame competition."
My new favorite website (as of yesterday) is grooveshark.com. I never thought I would find something to replace my beloved Pandora.com (where you type in an artist or specific music title and it creates a "station" and plays similar music to what you inputted). In Grooveshark you get to select the exact pieces you want to hear. Fabulous. It's free, too, though you can pay for more features if you want.
I haven't gotten around to posted real notes from my Ed Week classes yet, though I did post gems on my other blog. In case you missed it: Gems 1-18 and Gems 19-36.
One change I'm implementing from Ed Week is our new meal schedule. I bought a small book called Centsible Meals by Lorae Bowden. She does her meal planning a bit differently. I used to roughly follow a schedule like every Monday was Mexican and Tuesday was chicken, etc. But I like her organization better.
Each day of the week is given one of the following themes: Rice, Potatoes, Pasta, Beans, or Whole Grains. Then weekends are for leftovers. So I've made a list of possible meals for each category (I really need to expand my bean recipes to go past chili, red beans and rice, and bean soup). Some dishes (like red beans and rice or soup) can fit under more than one category. Under whole grains I have put things like pizza, anything with tortillas, breakfast for dinner-ie pancakes or waffles, etc. I think I'm going to really like it.
Glen and I are doing the same old, same old, so I didn't bother posting about us.
Anyway, so that's our update for now. Soon (maybe even tomorrow) I'll be posting some Ed Week notes.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Last leg of our vacation: Missouri, Illinois, Iowa, and Salt Lake
Church History and Andrew's mission tour (July 25-Aug 3):
We left Vegas Monday morning with the intention of taking I-70 to Denver, spending the night, and then joining up with I-80 to take us in to Iowa and then over to Nauvoo, Illinois. As Glen was napping I was looking at the atlas and realized that we could stay on I-70 to Missouri and visit Independence, Liberty Jail, and Adam-Ondi-Ahman (famous church history sites) and then drive across Missouri and wind up in Nauvoo, Illinois to see the town and go to the Nauvoo pageant (which was part of our original plan).
After some stressful time with our radiator overheating in Denver (which we later found out to be a minor problem with a hose that Glen fixed with a screw driver), we pushed on to Goodland, Kansas and spent the night there, and Tuesday morning we made it to Independence, Liberty Jail, and Adam-Ondi-Ahman. It was SO hot and humid, it was hard to enjoy (which could be said of our entire trip...it was blistering). But it was very pretty and we are glad we were able to add those sites to our tour.
Spent Tuesday night in Hannibal, Missouri (Mark Twain's boyhood home). Then Wednesday morning we went to Carthage, Illinois, where Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum were martyred. I think it was my favorite place of all that we visited.
We drove on to Nauvoo where Glen and I took in a temple session while Andrew (who has already been in the Nauvoo temple several times) went with the other kids to see the sights around the town. When Glen and I were done, the kids picked us up...and then my camera stopped working--it is currently in the shop, but it will take 2-3 weeks to find out what is wrong :( --so I don't have any pictures of my own after the temple.
We then went downtown, went shopping (where Andrew bought the game Feast and Famine which we then played the rest of the trip), and ate lunch (at Grandpa John's café...since the kids have a Grandpa John, we couldn't resist eating there), then headed back to the Historic Nauvoo area.
We visited the Pendleton Log House and School Room. Glen and the children are direct descendants of Dr. Calvin Crane Pendleton, so we had to stop there. Glen and the kids signed the special registry they have there for descendants. Others in the Perazzo clan had signed it before us.
We walked down Parley Street to the Mississippi, just like the Saints had done over 160 years ago. Then we visited the graves of Joseph and some of his family members.
Then we went to the old time fair while waiting for the pageant to start. The pageant itself was marvelous. It tells the story of the settling of Nauvoo. One of the high lights of our trip. Andrew bumped into missionaries he knew, so that was fun, too.
We drove to Iowa City that night and spent the night in a hotel. The next morning, Thursday, we went to the Institute building and Andrew was pleased to find that a missionary district meeting was going on, so he was able to meet up with some more missionaries he had known. We then went to the "Ped Mall" which is a really neat pedestrian and shopping area.
After that we went to a handcart park where the Saints had stayed getting ready to start their trek west. It was so hot, we gave up and called our niece Mindy, who lives in Iowa City, to see if she was ready for us to arrive early. Thankfully, she was.
So we spent a very pleasant afternoon visiting (and Madison was visiting from Fallon, too). Mindy served us dinner, then Mindy, Madison, Hannah, and I went next door to Celeste's for the weekly girls' night out. Mindy and her friends were doing some sewing and crocheting. Celeste is a whiz at taking thrift clothing and remaking it into more fashionable pieces. Since we've been home, Hannah has had a blast trying her hand at it. Lots of fun.
Andrew came over to perform his two fictional Book of Mormon movie trailers (one day I will post a video of them). After he left, Celeste asked if he had taken a dance class at BYU. Sure enough. She had been his teacher Fall 2008 for ballroom dancing. Small world.
Anyway, Friday morning we went to Oskaloosa, which was Andrew's last area. As he had just left there only one month previously, there were a lot of visits to make. First up was the Hines family, whom he had had the privilege of baptizing. We had a blast visiting everyone. They kept us laughing.
Then that evening we drove to Waterloo, spent the night and only visited one sister Saturday morning. The two men Andrew wanted to see weren't in town. So we drove on to and stopped in Dyersville to see the ball field from the movie Field of Dreams. I bought a magnet in the shape of Iowa which has a line from the movie: "Is this heaven?" "No...it's Iowa."
We then traveled on to Dubuque. They had just had a record-breaking rainfall a few days earlier and there was still a lot of wet mud in places. It's a good thing we hadn't planned on being there any earlier in the week.
We met up with Sister Cristine Holt and we went out to a buffet lunch at Pizza Ranch. We then drove around and saw a few sights and did crazy things like driving over the Mississippi River into Wisconsin just to say we had been there. That night we went to the River Walk and enjoyed sculptures and music as we walked along the Mississippi.
Sunday morning we attended church in the Dubuque ward. The whole city only has one ward (whereas Fallon had 6 wards and 1 branch), so Andrew was able to see a lot of people he wanted to in "one stop shopping" style. After church we went over to Cristine and Wayne Holt's and they served us lunch, which included good, ole Iowa corn. It was very good. They were so nice. I wish they lived closer!
That afternoon we drove to Des Moines and were able to meet with Andrew's mission president and his wife, Pres. and Sis. Jergensen. It was such a wonderful visit. They were so nice and charming and had nothing but a ton of praise for Andrew. I'm so glad we were able to meet up with them.
Monday morning we headed to Sioux City where Andrew had spent his first Christmas in the mission field. Once again, the people were so nice. And once again we drove across a bridge (this time over the Missouri River) to another state just to say we had been in that state. This time the state was South Dakota. This area, like Dubuque, had also had flooding...however it had been a few months ago and not all the water had subsided. It was amazing. Some on and off ramps to the highway were still closed down because they were completely under water. A park had playground equipment half-submerged.
After our visits, we drove down to Council Bluffs, Iowa, formerly known as Kanesville, (another church history site) and saw the visitor's center there. Then we drove into Nebraska and went to the visitor's center for the Winter Quarter's Temple. We saw the cemetery next to the temple where a few of Glen's pioneer ancestors are buried.
We then drove to Kearney, Nebraska (pronounced Karney) and spent the night...exactly half-way between Boston (1,733 miles to the east) and San Francisco (1,733 miles to the west). Exciting.
Tuesday we drove from Kearney to Farmington, Utah were we spent the night with Glen's sister, Teresa and her family. Had a great time. We were introduced to a new game, Dominion, which we now own and are having a blast playing.
Wednesday morning we went to Temple Square in Salt Lake and had a few hours there in the visitors' centers. Then we, finally, headed for home, arriving around 7 pm.
What a wonderful trip. And how wonderful it is to be home again. Except for, of course, I'm leaving on Saturday to spend next week with my sister at BYU's Ed Week. Andrew's driving there with me and will spend the week with cousins and getting a few things ready for school...which will be here before we know it.
We left Vegas Monday morning with the intention of taking I-70 to Denver, spending the night, and then joining up with I-80 to take us in to Iowa and then over to Nauvoo, Illinois. As Glen was napping I was looking at the atlas and realized that we could stay on I-70 to Missouri and visit Independence, Liberty Jail, and Adam-Ondi-Ahman (famous church history sites) and then drive across Missouri and wind up in Nauvoo, Illinois to see the town and go to the Nauvoo pageant (which was part of our original plan).
After some stressful time with our radiator overheating in Denver (which we later found out to be a minor problem with a hose that Glen fixed with a screw driver), we pushed on to Goodland, Kansas and spent the night there, and Tuesday morning we made it to Independence, Liberty Jail, and Adam-Ondi-Ahman. It was SO hot and humid, it was hard to enjoy (which could be said of our entire trip...it was blistering). But it was very pretty and we are glad we were able to add those sites to our tour.
Spent Tuesday night in Hannibal, Missouri (Mark Twain's boyhood home). Then Wednesday morning we went to Carthage, Illinois, where Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum were martyred. I think it was my favorite place of all that we visited.
We drove on to Nauvoo where Glen and I took in a temple session while Andrew (who has already been in the Nauvoo temple several times) went with the other kids to see the sights around the town. When Glen and I were done, the kids picked us up...and then my camera stopped working--it is currently in the shop, but it will take 2-3 weeks to find out what is wrong :( --so I don't have any pictures of my own after the temple.
We then went downtown, went shopping (where Andrew bought the game Feast and Famine which we then played the rest of the trip), and ate lunch (at Grandpa John's café...since the kids have a Grandpa John, we couldn't resist eating there), then headed back to the Historic Nauvoo area.
We visited the Pendleton Log House and School Room. Glen and the children are direct descendants of Dr. Calvin Crane Pendleton, so we had to stop there. Glen and the kids signed the special registry they have there for descendants. Others in the Perazzo clan had signed it before us.
We walked down Parley Street to the Mississippi, just like the Saints had done over 160 years ago. Then we visited the graves of Joseph and some of his family members.
Then we went to the old time fair while waiting for the pageant to start. The pageant itself was marvelous. It tells the story of the settling of Nauvoo. One of the high lights of our trip. Andrew bumped into missionaries he knew, so that was fun, too.
We drove to Iowa City that night and spent the night in a hotel. The next morning, Thursday, we went to the Institute building and Andrew was pleased to find that a missionary district meeting was going on, so he was able to meet up with some more missionaries he had known. We then went to the "Ped Mall" which is a really neat pedestrian and shopping area.
After that we went to a handcart park where the Saints had stayed getting ready to start their trek west. It was so hot, we gave up and called our niece Mindy, who lives in Iowa City, to see if she was ready for us to arrive early. Thankfully, she was.
So we spent a very pleasant afternoon visiting (and Madison was visiting from Fallon, too). Mindy served us dinner, then Mindy, Madison, Hannah, and I went next door to Celeste's for the weekly girls' night out. Mindy and her friends were doing some sewing and crocheting. Celeste is a whiz at taking thrift clothing and remaking it into more fashionable pieces. Since we've been home, Hannah has had a blast trying her hand at it. Lots of fun.
Andrew came over to perform his two fictional Book of Mormon movie trailers (one day I will post a video of them). After he left, Celeste asked if he had taken a dance class at BYU. Sure enough. She had been his teacher Fall 2008 for ballroom dancing. Small world.
Anyway, Friday morning we went to Oskaloosa, which was Andrew's last area. As he had just left there only one month previously, there were a lot of visits to make. First up was the Hines family, whom he had had the privilege of baptizing. We had a blast visiting everyone. They kept us laughing.
Then that evening we drove to Waterloo, spent the night and only visited one sister Saturday morning. The two men Andrew wanted to see weren't in town. So we drove on to and stopped in Dyersville to see the ball field from the movie Field of Dreams. I bought a magnet in the shape of Iowa which has a line from the movie: "Is this heaven?" "No...it's Iowa."
We then traveled on to Dubuque. They had just had a record-breaking rainfall a few days earlier and there was still a lot of wet mud in places. It's a good thing we hadn't planned on being there any earlier in the week.
We met up with Sister Cristine Holt and we went out to a buffet lunch at Pizza Ranch. We then drove around and saw a few sights and did crazy things like driving over the Mississippi River into Wisconsin just to say we had been there. That night we went to the River Walk and enjoyed sculptures and music as we walked along the Mississippi.
Sunday morning we attended church in the Dubuque ward. The whole city only has one ward (whereas Fallon had 6 wards and 1 branch), so Andrew was able to see a lot of people he wanted to in "one stop shopping" style. After church we went over to Cristine and Wayne Holt's and they served us lunch, which included good, ole Iowa corn. It was very good. They were so nice. I wish they lived closer!
That afternoon we drove to Des Moines and were able to meet with Andrew's mission president and his wife, Pres. and Sis. Jergensen. It was such a wonderful visit. They were so nice and charming and had nothing but a ton of praise for Andrew. I'm so glad we were able to meet up with them.
Monday morning we headed to Sioux City where Andrew had spent his first Christmas in the mission field. Once again, the people were so nice. And once again we drove across a bridge (this time over the Missouri River) to another state just to say we had been in that state. This time the state was South Dakota. This area, like Dubuque, had also had flooding...however it had been a few months ago and not all the water had subsided. It was amazing. Some on and off ramps to the highway were still closed down because they were completely under water. A park had playground equipment half-submerged.
After our visits, we drove down to Council Bluffs, Iowa, formerly known as Kanesville, (another church history site) and saw the visitor's center there. Then we drove into Nebraska and went to the visitor's center for the Winter Quarter's Temple. We saw the cemetery next to the temple where a few of Glen's pioneer ancestors are buried.
We then drove to Kearney, Nebraska (pronounced Karney) and spent the night...exactly half-way between Boston (1,733 miles to the east) and San Francisco (1,733 miles to the west). Exciting.
Tuesday we drove from Kearney to Farmington, Utah were we spent the night with Glen's sister, Teresa and her family. Had a great time. We were introduced to a new game, Dominion, which we now own and are having a blast playing.
Wednesday morning we went to Temple Square in Salt Lake and had a few hours there in the visitors' centers. Then we, finally, headed for home, arriving around 7 pm.
What a wonderful trip. And how wonderful it is to be home again. Except for, of course, I'm leaving on Saturday to spend next week with my sister at BYU's Ed Week. Andrew's driving there with me and will spend the week with cousins and getting a few things ready for school...which will be here before we know it.
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| Ryan, Andrew, Eric, and Glen in log cabin in Independence |
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| Liberty Jail replica where Joseph and others were kept during a winter on false charges |
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| Glen, Hannah, Eric, Ryan, Andrew, and Alex at Adam-Ondi-Ahman |
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| Hannah |
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| Huck and Tom statue in Hannibal, Missouri |
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| Glen, Beth, Ryan, Andrew, Hannah, Eric, and Alex at Carthage Jail |
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| Nauvoo Temple |
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| Alex at the Nauvoo Visitor's Center |
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| Eric |
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| Glen, Alex, Hannah, Eric, Ryan, and Andrew |
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| Statue in front of the Nauvoo Temple of Hyrum and Joseph Smith |
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Third leg of our travels: Vegas for a nephew's wedding (Jul 22-25)
We arrived home from Lake Almanor on Thursday, July 21st and spent the whole afternoon doing laundry and repacking.
Friday morning we drove down to my sister's house in Vegas since her son, Cory, was getting married to Amanda the next day. My parents were already there along with Kyle (my brother who had flown in from Maine) and Martha (a childhood friend who had flown in from Boston). Pat had his brothers (Jack and Brian) and sister (Diane) and some of their families come for the wedding too.
We just hung out Friday night while the main cast when to the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. Saturday we ran errands and visited. Saturday evening was the wedding at a golf club.
It was wonderful. Amanda had a gorgeous dress unlike any we had seen before...it incorporated color into the bodice and skirt/train...not just a colored sash that you sometimes see these days. After the vows were exchanged we had dinner and then some dancing. Hannah even got my mom to go out on the dance floor. Good times.
I have discovered I was not a very thorough photographer and am missing photos of people I wish I hadn't missed. I will have to track some down from the others who were there snapping photos.
We had a wonderful time, but it was very short. Sunday we went to church and then hung around visiting and then we left Monday morning for the last and longest leg of our trip.
Friday morning we drove down to my sister's house in Vegas since her son, Cory, was getting married to Amanda the next day. My parents were already there along with Kyle (my brother who had flown in from Maine) and Martha (a childhood friend who had flown in from Boston). Pat had his brothers (Jack and Brian) and sister (Diane) and some of their families come for the wedding too.
We just hung out Friday night while the main cast when to the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. Saturday we ran errands and visited. Saturday evening was the wedding at a golf club.
It was wonderful. Amanda had a gorgeous dress unlike any we had seen before...it incorporated color into the bodice and skirt/train...not just a colored sash that you sometimes see these days. After the vows were exchanged we had dinner and then some dancing. Hannah even got my mom to go out on the dance floor. Good times.
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| Andrew, Hannah, and Ryan hanging out |
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| Jack (Pat's brother), Mom, and Kyle |
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| Glen teaching Alex how to float |
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| Ryan, Alex, and Andrew waiting for the wedding to start |
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| Amanda and Cory exchanging rings |
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| Denise, mother of the groom (don't have a real picture of her or Pat) |
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| Eric, secret service agent |
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I have discovered I was not a very thorough photographer and am missing photos of people I wish I hadn't missed. I will have to track some down from the others who were there snapping photos.
We had a wonderful time, but it was very short. Sunday we went to church and then hung around visiting and then we left Monday morning for the last and longest leg of our trip.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Family Reunion at Lake Almanor
Second leg of this summer's travels (July 15th-21st): Camp Conery at the southern end of Lake Almanor in northern California.
We had a week-long vacation with Glen and his side of the family. This year we saw some family members who hadn't been able to come the last few years, so it was extra nice. The weather was perfect...warm in the sun and cool in the shade.
Activities: playing at the beach by the lake, boating, tubing, water skiing, horseshoes, volleyball, frisbee poles, basketball, board games, card games, eating, napping, walking/hiking, visiting, reading, holding Tessa, square dancing, and for two of us it meant proposing and being accepted and then keeping it a secret from most everyone else for a week or two (Alicia and Dallin are now engaged and will be married on December 20th in the Reno Temple. Congratulations you two!)
We had a week-long vacation with Glen and his side of the family. This year we saw some family members who hadn't been able to come the last few years, so it was extra nice. The weather was perfect...warm in the sun and cool in the shade.
Activities: playing at the beach by the lake, boating, tubing, water skiing, horseshoes, volleyball, frisbee poles, basketball, board games, card games, eating, napping, walking/hiking, visiting, reading, holding Tessa, square dancing, and for two of us it meant proposing and being accepted and then keeping it a secret from most everyone else for a week or two (Alicia and Dallin are now engaged and will be married on December 20th in the Reno Temple. Congratulations you two!)
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| I had been told they were "just friends." Ha! |
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| scenery on one of our walks |
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| Sunday after church (Glen, Ryan, Andrew, Eric, Beth, Hannah, and Alex) |
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| The pavilion where we eat, visit, and play games |
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| Becky and Hannah with their books |
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| Andrew is the middle of telling us about his mission |
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| Hannah mid-serve |
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| volleyball spectators (Grandpa, Sarah, Andrew, Amanda, Becky) |
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| Alan, Amanda, Haley, Ryan, Glen, Teresa, (Sarah), and Andrew |
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| me next to the lake while on one of our walks |
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| Hannah and Becky getting ready to go out into the sun |
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| David and Tessa |
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| Sarah and Andrew battling it out (usually Sarah wins these battles) |
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| very cool |
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| Brandon, Eric, Alicia, (Calista) |
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| Alex and Ben playing frisbee pole |
Saturday, August 6, 2011
What do the states Vermont, Rhode Island, and West Virginia have in common?
On our recent 25 day, 4 leg, and 4,259 mile long vacation, those were the only states whose license plates I couldn't find to mark off on my map. I'm still looking.
First leg of our vacation (July 10-15): Brookings, Oregon to visit my folks.
Second leg (July 15-21): from Brookings to Lake Almanor, California for the annual Perazzo clan reunion.
Third leg (July 22-25): after spending a night in our home, we went down to Vegas to attend my nephew's wedding.
Fourth leg (July 25-Aug 3): from Vegas we drove to Missouri and Illinois to see church history sites and then we toured Iowa and visited the places Andrew served in while on his mission there.
Today's post if about the 1st leg of our journey:
Brookings, Oregon, Sunday July 10th-Friday July 15th. (well, my parents actually live in Harbor, Oregon)
We didn't spend as much time there as we usually do since there was just too much happening (Glen, Ryan, and Hannah were in Salt Lake for Youth Conference July 7-9, so we couldn't leave any earlier), but we still had a great time. Things we enjoyed:
Visiting my parents. Temps in the mid-to-low 60s. Going to the portrait drawing session at the Manly Art Center (and my kids being the models). Taking walks.Atlantic Pacific Ocean (some of our children were confused as to which ocean we were visiting). Tie dying t-shirts. The beach. Tide pools. Frisbee golf. Chalk art. Playing scrabble. Attending a dress rehearsal of the community production of the musical Lady Pirates of the Caribbean. And the last night we were there, we all attended the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: part 2.
First leg of our vacation (July 10-15): Brookings, Oregon to visit my folks.
Second leg (July 15-21): from Brookings to Lake Almanor, California for the annual Perazzo clan reunion.
Third leg (July 22-25): after spending a night in our home, we went down to Vegas to attend my nephew's wedding.
Fourth leg (July 25-Aug 3): from Vegas we drove to Missouri and Illinois to see church history sites and then we toured Iowa and visited the places Andrew served in while on his mission there.
Today's post if about the 1st leg of our journey:
Brookings, Oregon, Sunday July 10th-Friday July 15th. (well, my parents actually live in Harbor, Oregon)
We didn't spend as much time there as we usually do since there was just too much happening (Glen, Ryan, and Hannah were in Salt Lake for Youth Conference July 7-9, so we couldn't leave any earlier), but we still had a great time. Things we enjoyed:
Visiting my parents. Temps in the mid-to-low 60s. Going to the portrait drawing session at the Manly Art Center (and my kids being the models). Taking walks.
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| Andrew, Alex, and Glen as we walk towards the harbor |
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| Hannah with some chalk art (done by someone else) |
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| Andrew, Alex, and Eric posing for the drawing session |
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| Do you get the impression that Andrew and Ryan are cold??? |
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| Glen and Alex playing frisbee golf on the beach |
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| Grandma, Ryan, Eric, Andrew, Grandpa, Hannah, and Alex |
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| Glen, me, Mom, and Dad |
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