FYI-The lecturers have a book out (I've ordered it from the library, but it hasn't arrived yet) called Change Anything: The New Science of Personal Success.
Ed Week Notes 2011
Change Anything: Principles for Changing Overwhelming Habits in Yourself: Three different lectures:
(Tuesday's lecture, which I didn't attend, was on how willpower isn't enough.)
Wednesday: Be the Scientist and the Subject (part 1): How Small Changes Can Lead to Big Improvements by Ron McMillan
Thursday: Be the Scientist and the Subject (part 2): How to make Change Almost Inevitable by Joseph Grenny
Friday: Make a Bad Day Good Data: How to Increase Our Resilience and Effectiveness by Kerry J. Patterson
1st lecture: How Small Changes Can Lead to Big Improvements
What you want to change can be anything from overeating, getting angry, looking at pornography--anything that you want to change in yourself.
The difference between those effective in living their life and those not is in their positive attitude AND skill sets. Being positive isn’t enough.
Any sin can become an addiction--and any activity. Addictions can take over your agency--Satan’s plan.
The focus of the research was: We know what’s right, but how do we get ourselves to do it?
2 Nephi 2:14: And now, my sons, I speak unto you these things for your profit and learning; for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon.
2 Nephi 2:26: And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given.
2 Nephi 10:23: Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves—to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.
Moses 6:56: And it is given unto them to know good from evil; wherefore they are agents unto themselves, and I have given unto you another law and commandment.
If we don’t choose to act (freedom), we will be acted upon (bondage).
The Will Power Trap--the assumption that if I try hard enough, I’ll succeed. Willpower is insufficient to be the key to change.
Many of our most important problems could be solved if we had a greater capacity to change our behavior.
They studied 5,000 people. 475 were deemed successful in changing (meaning they sustained the change for at least 3 years). They came up with 3 Change Principles from their research:
#1- You have to escape the will power trap. There are 6 sources of influence that surround us and personal resolve in only one of them.
#2- You need to be the scientist and the subject. Objectively look at your life and who you are.
#3- Turn bad days into good data. The average person who quits smoking relapses 6 times. Ask yourself what you can learn about why you slipped up when you have a bad day.
If you use these three principles you will be 10 times more likely to be succeed in changing.
Problem-- We often look for off-the-shelf solutions to unique problems, but most don’t work…at least not for you.
Solution-- Be the scientist and the subject--to study you (which has not been done before). Make a tailored plan. You must study you and this will reveal what to stop doing and what to start doing.
How do you be the scientist and the subject? You study what works and what doesn’t work for you , then you make changes until you eventually tailor a plan for you. Stop looking at others to get answers for you.
When examining what to start and stop doing:
#1- Identify Crucial Moments-- when are you weak and succumb to temptation?
When it comes to finding behaviors we need to change, we do just fine about 95% of the time. It’s only 5% that gives us trouble. So work on the 5% and not the 95. That’s a crucial moment. The “when.” These are the moments that matter.
#2- Create Vital Behaviors-- Look at your crucial moments and see what you can do to avoid the temptaion. A vital behavior is a high-leverage action that if routinely enacted, will help you prevent problems, master tempting moments, or quickly recover from mistakes. The “what.”
WORDS MATTER. Use value words to describe your choices. Pick power words and you can increase your motivation to change anything.
For example, one of their successful subjects was trying to lose weight. She didn’t tell herself that she couldn’t have any treats. She just told herself that before indulging she had to read her 3 x 5 index card to herself which had the following written on it:
I’d like to like the way I look in the mirror.
I’d like to feel healthier.
I’d like my life choices to be pleasing to the Lord.
I’d like more physical stamina.
I’d like my husband to be proud of how I look.
I’d like to model healthy living for my family.
She was then able to say no to cheesecake and was successful in her weightloss.
2nd lecture: How to make Change Almost Inevitable
The essence of the Gospel is to help us change and improve (become more like Christ).
Why do we do what we do?
We are all willing to do things that cause us pain. (video clip on a shin-kicking contest).
We are blind and outnumbered so self-awareness is really important. Willpower is not the key. The design of this world is for us to be blind and outnumbered. This life is a test.
Agency is the capacity to control our own behavior. Yet there is plenty of evidence to suggest that we don’t have enormous control over our behavior.
A Change Problem:
1. I know I should change.
2. I want to change.
3. I don’t change (yet we think we have control).
Agency is a skill--it’s not about will power. To change our environment--that’s our agency.
Think of a habit you’d like to change (a career-limiting habit, or relationship, or health, or wealth, or spiritually, or success-limiting habit). When was the last time you succumbed? Why did you give in? The explanation you give yourself will help predict if you will succeed.
Be clear about the results you expect. Find the crucial, key moments. Then create the vital behaviors or action rules.
Six Sources of Influence:
motivationn ability
Personal 1 2
Social 3 4
Structural 5 6
How badly you want to change doesn’t predict your success or failure. Wanting it more doesn’t help. You need to have actions with your desires.
Lamoni’s Influence Strategy--kill the servants who lose the sheep (yet the servants still lost the sheep)
2 Nephi 2:14: And now, my sons, I speak unto you these things for your profit and learning; for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon.
God created things (1) to act and (2) and to be acted upon. Which are you?
#1 (personal motivation). Love what you hate. Problem: Bad habits feel good and good habits feel bad. Changing words can change the outcome. Before you do something you know you shouldn’t do, you tell yourself something that allows you to override what is right. What words could you tell yourself to feel good about, for example, consuming pornography? [just this once won’t hurt, it’s not like I haven’t seen stuff like this before…] You are generating propaganda for yourself.
Remember: the only way you can feel good about doing things that keep you from what you really want is to manipulate yourself with propaganda. It allows you to feel justified.
One of their successful clients was a business man who was extremely rude and condescending to his subordinates (and thus he was limiting his career). The researcher asked the man to make a list of what went through his thoughts just before he made biting comments. On his list:
You don’t care enough to even try.
You’re an idiot.
If I don’t threaten you, you won’t move.
Then the researcher had the businessman come up with a list as to why those things were wicked, pernicious lies: ie You don’t care enough to even try: the man had even missed his brother’s wedding just to work on the project, so what he told himself had been a lie.
Then the researcher said, now give me a sentence that would be the truth. he came up with:
These are human beings, not tools.
I want to be a teacher, not a tyrant.
In the end, I don’t care how much money I’ve made, but in how many lives I’ve touched.
Resisting the impulse empowers the evil. Heber J. Grant had been the sole support of his widowed mother. When he tried to get life insurance, he was denied because he was so skinny. The doctor prescribed that he drink 4 beers a day. It worked. He gained weight, but then he needed to overcome his drinking habit. He broke the habit by telling himself that he could have a drink anytime he wanted…he made it a choice and he then chose differently after that. He played the propaganda game with himself.
Can you change your impulses? Read your “mission statement” during an impulsive moment. Transform, don’t just resist.
Bad habits require skill. For example, the drug addict becomes an expert liar. Having good habits require skills, too.
#2. (personal ability) Do what you can’t. Problem: new habits almost always require new skills.
John 8:28 … I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me… Even Jesus had to learn skills. He learned line upon line.
If you attempt to motivate someone who lacks skills, it will lead them to depression, not to change.
Figure out what skills you need so that you can change. (a smoker realized that what she needed was communication skills in order to avoid the situation that was keeping her from quitting smoking).
#3 and 4. (social motivation and ability): Everyone needs help. Even the Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane had an angel to strengthen him (Luke 22:42-43). We need each other.
3rd Lecture: Make a Bad Day Good Data: How to Increase Our Resilience and Effectiveness
When you try to swap bad habits with good ones and then fail, the problem is with your plan and not with you.
Physical distance has a huge impact…on how far away you have to go to exercise or to eat those m&ms...
Quick review:
#1-Personal Motivation-- We often engage in unhealthy behavior because it feels good., while healthy behavior is often hard, boring, or simply unenjoyable.
How can we “love what we hate?”
1-Visit the default future (what will life be like 6 months, 5 years, 20 years in the future if you don’t change). Imagine it (living on no retirement, being unhealthy…).
2-Create a personal motivation statement (like the one at the end of the 1st lecture). Carry it with you and read it in Crucial Moments.
3-Make it a game (some form of competition).
#2-Personal Ability-- We often imporve our personal ability (knowledge and skill) in order to change. We have to “do what we can’t.”
1-do a skill scan
2-learn the needed skill
ie-to stop gossiping, learn to deflect and redirect conversation
It doesn’t matter if you were born a certain way because you can be born again.
If you can learn to distract yourself (which is a skill) for 15 minutes during a Crucial Moment, that is often all it takes for the temptation to pass. Serving someone else is a great way to do it.
#3 and 4-Social Forces-- Other people are constantly motivating and enabling our unhealthy behavior.
1-hold a transformation conversation
A-Here’s what you are doing…
B-Here’s what I want to see…
C-Ask for input
D-Thank them
2-Add new friends
3-Distance yourself from accomplices (if they won’t come on board and be a true friend, they are accomplices and you need to stay away from them if you hope to change).
End of review. New stuff:
#5-Structural Motivation
Structural forces such as prizes and rewards also motivate us.
1-reward small improvements in moderation.
2-take advantage of loss aversion (giving a child $5 and telling them they will lose it if they don’t behave is a much stronger motivating force than telling them if they behave they will get $5 later).
Make a list of what’s in your control. ie as a missionary you cannot control the number of baptisms, but you can control the number of street contacts and hours of personal study.
#6 Structural Ability
Structural forces (things) also enable our wrong behavior. Things like having fences or rules and putting distance between you and the temptation.
You will fail. Plan on it. “Subjects” get depressed when they succumb to temptation which leads to feeling guilty. “Scientists" become curious to see what went wrong which leads to them feeling challenged to find the solution.
Don’t unrighteously judge yourself. Hate the sin and love the sinner--including yourself.
Take 1 Nephi 3:7 “…I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them” as a promise not as evidence that we are deficient.
You’re mostly doing the right thing and feel guilty while those who are mostly doing the wrong thing don’t feel guilty at all.
Failure = Bad Plan Failure does not = Bad Person
Focus on hard work and improvement, not on character and worth. Focus on what you can fix.
Turn a bad day into good data.
Take a close look and ask:
What is wrong with my plan?
What did I just learn about a new crucial moment?
Is there a better vital behavior?
Am I missing a some source(s) of influence.
No comments:
Post a Comment