yo-yoing or how could I have let this happen again?

I have never been thin. There are only a few times I haven't been overweight. I never really tried diets, though, and my weight was usually constant...no yo-yoing, just slow trends.

When I was about 11 I was normal weight, after having been a bit chubby. Then, when I was 12, we moved from Massachusetts to Lousiana...where it was too hot and humid to play outside...where I didn't have friends that I played with after school...where I stayed in the house inactive and snacking for 5 years. By the time I started college I was about 162 and stayed at that weight my 4 years there. On my mission I went up to almost 200 pounds.

Then when I was first living on my own after graduating from college and serving my mission, I couldn't afford food (junk food, anyway). Plus I worked all day so I wasn't home to eat and I dropped down to 142 lbs...which is just 4 pounds off of being considered medically overweight for my height, but still, I was considered normal weight.

I met Glen, married, had Andrew. Then with the help of Weight Watchers, I was able to lose the pregnancy weight I had gained by the time he was one. I got back down to the low 140s...and then got pregnant with Eric and have been overweight and/or obese since then.

A little over 3 years ago I was up to 195. I finally buckled down, joined Curves, and watched what I ate (my cholesterol was too high and if I couldn't control it with diet and exercise the doctor was going to put me on medicine...that was a good motivator for me).

By the fall, I was down to 165 and feeling pretty good. But after being "good" all summer, I couldn't seem to hold it together any longer and started to eat too much again.

Here comes the yo-yo.

So, fall of 2006 I was 165 lbs.
By the end of winter 2007 I was 175 again.
By the end of summer I was 165 again.
By the end of winter 2008 I was 175 again.
By the end of summer I was 165 again.

I almost made it into the 150s in November. Almost. Oh, and after 2 1/2 years, I quit going to Curves because it was just so hard to get there, now that I'm subbing part time. But at first I couldn't seem to make myself exercise at home.

Here I am, almost the end of winter 2009 and I'm at 172. My cholesterol is too high. I was feeling out-of-control with my eating habits.

But now that spring is coming, I'm hopeful once again. I actually started exercising at home again. I'm eating marginally better.

If I could just get down to 145...and stay there...it would be so wonderful. Why can't I seem to do it? I lost 30 pounds before, so I know how. Maybe I should post my cholesterol number on the fridge...that might be a good motivator.

I just need to snack healthier. And keep exercising. So easy to say, so hard to do.